Yesterday I had an awkward conversation. The subject was my time!
The first thing that popped in my head was ” hey dude it is not of your business!” but I letting go and I tried to talk in a gentle way…
You’re a very busy woman!
Yes I’m!But dear dude that matter of fact that you don’t understand it’s that my time it’s mine!
Ok , I want to say you good night and good saturday and good lunch…because I really don’t know when I’ll have the chance to talk to you…
Sorry dude you’re actually talking with me..what’s your problem?!
(and suddenly this thing popped in my head:Oh I’m sorry you’ve the syndrome of abandonment or simple you’ve realized that you aren’t the center of my world and I’m not like a sun that goes around you?! Oh I’m so sorry wtf!) but I didn’t tell nothing because I don’t need to justify at everyone how manage my time!
I work very hard every day but in the same time I’m very capable to find spaces and moments only for me.
After work everyday I had yoga’s lesson or pilates session
After my work office I had time to cook my dinner, to write some articles, to read book, listen music, watch movies or documentaries…I really take care of me and another bad thing popped in my head” … Oh my sorry if in this pieces of time you aren’t contemplate…but this is my time not yours…I think this is the sore spot: I’m sorry but I’m not your mother or your sister or you nanny…I’m a busy woman then accept the consequences…and I really don’t care if you have different expectations because this is my time”.
Now what’s the consideration about that? I’m very jealous of my time like a tiger in her territory…It’s only mine and I don’t like that people talk about my time. Usually I don’t feel like that but yesterday I felt like a bee sting that awaken a sense of territoriality! Usually I’m open to other people to life in general..I set limits but I try to embrace the different world’s things…But yesterday I gave me the permission to be suspicious and to close the conversation with a very formal attitude.
Today I’m feeling like right…It’s ok to tell No when you’re feel uncomfortable in the situation. Because the time it’s an ephemeral thing..life goes on everyday and you don’t have the chance to stopping that…then you need and you deserve to find the best in every moments of your life.
Actually I’m living a plenty life, everyday it’s a surprise and everyday I trie to be present, to feel with all my body, all my soul the universal’s message. I’m finding finally a sort of comfortable spot/zone and it’s now the right time to fight to conquer and defend this spot! Then I’m sorry if I present my self like a selfish person but it’s no the reality…if you only take the time to look at the bottom…
Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you ~Carl Sandburg